Exchanging Bronze for Gold

Giving teens what they want is not always the most loving thing we can do for them. In order to lead youth into deeper and more satisfying happiness, we often must give them what they don’t want. We should withhold bronze so that we can give them gold; we should withhold what youth value so that we can give them what is of real value.

There are billions of details to plan and decisions to make on a mission trip—Where will we rent vans? When will we stop for potty breaks? Who will pack lunches? How will we load our trailers? The question I ask myself is, How strategic or intentional should I be in planning those details? Which decisions should I control, and which ones should I allow others to decide? A good leader will strike a balance between control and freedom. Too much control will crush a team; too little will yield chaos. I have in no way mastered this balance, so I am grateful that God is steering my heart towards those areas that would benefit from strategic planning.

One area I believed our NOLA2010 team needed growth was in the area of unity. In our briefing meetings prior to the trip I noticed several factions. Each group was divided by age, gender, school district, affinity; and it created uneasiness when we were all together. We didn’t know each other well enough to be comfortable, and we weren’t comfortable enough with each other in order to be a team.

I felt God pulling at my heart to consider how to break down these barriers. My solution came by intentionally selecting who would ride in vans on the way down, who would room together in hotels, and who would work together on the job site. I invested a lot of thought into how to blend the cliques over the course of the week. I prayed and weighed over tons of factors, too many to list in this blog. In the end I believe these efforts brought tremendous fruit, but only because God was working in ways I never could, to melt the hearts our team enough to stretch us but keep us from snapping. We left PA a divided group and returned a cohesive unit.

Could God have done that without the planning on my part? Absolutely. He is always accomplishing ends without me—often in spite of me. Would our group have come together without my planning? I don’t think so. If given the choice, teens would have chosen to ride, room, and work with their friends. They would have done whatever they could be around people they were comfortable with. In many ways, I think they would have remained in the same factions they had prior to the trip.

My decision to select these groupings was not popular among the youth. I heard disgruntled complaints and manipulative excuses. The question crossed my mind, Should I give them what they want? Or should I withhold what they want now because I believe there’s something better for them if they endure this momentary affliction? As a leader, I saw the discomfort as a necessary step toward their greater happiness.

I wonder if God doesn’t use this same type of suffering to bring us to a greater place of joy. My heart isn’t much different from the teens’; I prefer comfort to pain. But what if this comfort only produces bronze, while the pain produces gold? Wouldn’t I be a fool for settling for bronze when gold is offered?

I love our youth, and I want the best for them. On this mission trip, that meant I didn’t let them always be with all of their friends. (It meant I didn’t allow them do a lot of other things, too!) I wanted them to experience the gold of being a unified team at the expense of bronze time with friends.

I believe God loves us and wants the best for us. It takes faith to believe that that’s true even when pain comes my way and I don’t get what I want. The more I understand the truth of God’s love for me, the deeper my faith grows. That’s element that changes my prayer from, “Lord, please protect us.” to “Father, please sustain us.”